Life gets knotty on nearing 30!

I may appear as a naive snowflake that has been sheltered her entire life. But like every one else, I have struggles that I go through and if you think everything is idyllic, then you are so wrong. Picture me and my life the way you wish to and judge me based on whatever it is that you see online, but stop acting as if you are a superior being who knows me and knows what’s best for me without actually knowing me (I’m actually hinting at my relatives in particular). You may think that I’m venting my anger but believe me, I’m honestly worn out and it feels silly to even type the words that I’m typing right now, at this point in time.

Well, let’s come to why life gets complicated (in my case) as one nears thirty. I’m sitting here at my office desk listening to the “wise-and-crap” conversations of my elder colleagues about the subject of marriage. It’s weird and it’s freaking me out a bit. I can’t help but fret that it’s only going to get worse as I am getting older. The notion of marriage in particular is one of the many issues that actually makes life complicated at this stage of my life. I personally don’t want to get married and  when sometimes I realise that I have to, soon, then the one whom I love, does not feel ready. How I wish I could tell him that I could wait for him my whole lifetime but I know he will surely take it with a pinch of salt.

When I was little, I was so convinced that life would be so easy and all my plans would run smoothly and that I would achieve my goals in a heartbeat. Little did I know that adulting would be hard and my dreams would be shoved down the drain. Circumstances changed, I changed. I know I’m not that old yet to fulfill my dreams but the question about getting married crops up on and on and haunts me. This gets me sick. It becomes difficult to think more rationally when I’m very aware that suddenly, just like that, I’m getting “older” and I’ll probably die single (according to my family members).

I believe marriage is a beautiful thing, the beginning of a new stage in one’s life. However, it can also be the beginning of the end. Sounds harsh, right? Seeing my cousin getting divorced after a year of getting married and other divorcees around me, leads me to think about how some have lost it for life; marriage has changed the course of some people’s life to the wrong side and this is very disturbing. May be marriage is good but wrong choices lead to a hellish life.

Of course, no one can journey through life alone as human beings are gregarious by nature, there is always a time one needs the company of the other. But the issue comes with choosing the right one. All I wanted in a partner was a person who would share and be ready to support my dreams, someone with whom I can relate to, someone I would be happily planning to share my life with together. The right partner leads to right marriage to finally leading to the right life. However, family pressures “spoil the broth” forcing into satisfying their definition of how “happy” they want to see you.

At the end of the day, each and everyone’s thoughts on the subject of marriage are totally personal and there’s no right or wrong answer. I know this is getting a bit morbid and turning into a bit of a word vomit. I’m certainly not someone who is set to never tying the knot. I’m kind of hovering in the middle, waiting for the one I love profoundly to someday say yes before I’m pushed to get married to someone I don’t want to. I really get flustered when people around ask me about when I’ll get married. If it happens, it’s good. If it doesn’t, life goes on and I shall feel sorry for crushing my relatives’ dream of seeing me happily married. Well, having issues like marriage haunting you day and night, making you depressed, really makes life knotty when you near thirty!